Lead me not into temptation

Last night I hung out with one of my favourite women at her house. 

Another friend of hers had come over and bought a gingerbread house with her to share. There was also a block of chocolate on the table. 

I had my water, a diet soft drink, carrot sticks and cherries. 

And I wasn't even tempted to try to devise some excuse to justify just a taste of the gingerbread or chocolate. 

Had it been chips, I'm not so sure. Missing the dry crunch factor.

Day 4 sucked

Yesterday was day 4 and it sucked so much I'm posting on day 5. 

I woke up feeling hungover and headachy. My back ached and the kids noise was making me stabby. 

I dragged my arse to a shower hoping that might help. It didn't. So I made a shake, filled my water bottle, crawled back to bed and put the electric blanket on. 

Getting the shake down was a massive struggle. The same shake that tasted fine the last few days, suddenly tasted foul. I gagged and spluttered. I wanted to not drink it. But knew that part of the crap feeling was probably needing something other than water in my belly. 

I ended up sleeping for a few hours and woke up feeling much better. 

I decided to experiment with my second shake of the day and blended a vanilla one with ice and half a frozen banana. It was awesome. Think there will be more blended shakes in the future. 

Today was also my 9th wedding anniversary. Usually that means a nice dinner out then a movie, theatre, etc. obviously this year there was no fancy dinner. But we did go to see Shakespeare in the botanic gardens which was awesome. Suspect it will become a regular anniversary thing as we went last year too. 

I packed myself a small lunchbox with cherries, strawberries and grapes. We had carrot sticks too. I did break the rules slightly by having a few ryvitas with cheese, ham and tomato. But compared to the chips and chocolate we would normally have, I think it was fine. And the crunch of that ryvita. Oh my, it was the best thing ever. 

Have woken on day 5, after a late sleep in (thanks grandma and aunty for having the kids overnight) feeling good. 

Feel like I've hibernated enough and am ready to get out and about a bit. 

Weight loss to date - 3.9kg. 

Cauliflower pizza base.

Tonight I attempted to make cauliflower pizza bases to add some interest to my 2 serve of veggies a day allowance. 

Googled for recipes and took a bit from her and a bit from there. Used my Bellini but and food processor would work. 

This is what I did;

1. Half a cauliflower into Bellini and pulse a few times. 

*oh yeah, pre-heat your oven to 200-220 Celsius.* 

2. Move to bowl, cover with plastic wrap (no water needed) and microwave for 7 min. 

(Google said 6-8 minutes, I decided to split the difference. Once done I put it in the freezer for 5 minutes to cool. 

*next time, after cooking I will squeeze water out with a cloth. Was a bit wet and more googling suggested squeezing out excess water* 

3. In Bellini mixed 2 eggs, 60g mozzarella cheese (30g = 100calories in the one I had which is my daily dairy calorie allowance right now), teaspoon'ish of crushed garlic, oregano, mixed Italian herbs and salt. (I really suck at measuring. I like garlic do there was a lot) 

4. Pour egg mix into cooled cauliflower and stir. It's a pretty wet mixture. 

5. On a baking tray, or pizza stone put baking paper, (Apparently this is really important). Then split mixture in half (for my purposes, next time I'd split into 3) and use hands to flatten out. 

6. Cook in oven for 15-20 min. It browns up really quickly. 

7. Remove from oven and top with tasty stuff. I used crushed tomato, more garlic and sliced mushroom, but anything would work I imagine. I did add a sprinkling more cheese, which will equal out if I make it again in 3 lots. 

8. Pop back in the oven until cheese melts. If you have grill or grill function, use that. The base is cooked you're really just melting your cheese. 

Ok, so it's not real pizza. Not even really like real pizza. But when you can only have shakes x4 and 2 cups of approved veggies a day it's super appealing. 

As someone who hates vegetables and has never eaten cauliflower willingly, EVER, this was actually good. And really easy to make. 

Next step is to play around with cooking times to see if I can get it to crisp up more and use it as a kind of cracker for sliced tomato. 

Day 3 Update

Desperately missing the crunch factor. Carrot just doesn't hit the spot. I want a dry crunch like a chip or better yet a cracker with my tomato. *sigh* 

Investigating cauliflower pizza base. All ingredients are allowed. Figuring maybe I could roll out the dough thinner and bake it longer to make kind of crackers. If these work I will also make some salsa to dip into. 

Shakes are going ok. They are super sweet and the chocolate one is slightly grainy. But on the whole bearable. So far. I didn't get strawberry flavour as I don't really dig pink milk in general.  

I got a zoku for Christmas (icypole maker) and have discovered 1 shake = 4 icypoles. On hot days, these are a nice change from just drinking shakes. 

Have been offered some soups to try, so a savory twist might be good. Never thought the day would come that I'd be wanting savory over sweet. 

As expected, water intake is an issue and probably contributing to the constant dull headache I've had for 2 days. (Hi-5 on repeat from the kids isn't helping either). Diet cordial is DISGUSTING. I've never enjoyed the taste of artificial sweetener so it's no surprise. Going to try some fresh lemon and lime in water instead. 

I wasn't going to weigh myself, but, well I have. So far 3.4kg down. I'm certain part of that is the food hangover from Christmas Day and the rest is water. But still amazed its been so much. 

Also noticed that I smell weird. Kind of oniony. Not sure if its linked or just random. But something I noticed. 

Also realised that I need to start thinking about food for post op time. Would be good to have stuff in the freezer ready to go. 

Bugger about being done in summer is that I can't do hot soup on hot days (cold soup is wrong and disgusting) for the liquid stage. But positive, by next summer, most of the excess weight will be gone. 

And so it begins...

Day 1. Shake 1. Coffee. 

Decided to kick off with a coffee shake. Very sweet. Nice texture, some shakes I've had before have been a bit grainy, especially coffee ones. 

Would be delicious hot or even blended with ice. 

Yep, happy with the coffee shake. 

Why I'm being so honest.

I've been fat my entire life. The times I honestly haven't been fat, I was still convinced I was fat so they barely even count. 

I've exercised, tried eating less, had shakes and pills and lettuce, yet none of it was enough. Working with my surgeon, dietitian and psychologist I know for some people these things were never going to work. 

I believed if I was better, stronger, more disciplined, blah blah blah the weight would come of. Ya know, because that's what society tells you. You're fat because you're lazy and bad! And while I will 100% own lazy, I'm not bad or weak or undisciplined. 

But now I'm going to lose weight. A LOT of weight. All going well in excess of 60-70kg of weight. Thats like an entire person! Seriously its a lot of weight. Initially it's going to come off fast. Really fast. Up to 10kg a month in the early months won't be impossible. 

After 10kg, I might notice a difference. After 20kg, people who know me well might notice a difference. After 30kg I imagine people who vaguely know me might notice a difference. And people will say beautiful, honest things like 'you look great' or 'wow you've lost weight' or 'you're looking really happy' and then 'how have you done it?' and THIS is where the honestly must come in. 

From one fat person to another I cannot and will not support the fat shaming language and ideals of 'just eat less and move more'. I refuse to tell another obese person that my significant weight loss is because I've been 'good', just so they can think 'I've tried being good and it just doesn't work so I won't ask again and just feel shit that she is obviously better at being good than I am'. 

I will tell people that I have had surgery. I will talk about the good and bad of this choice. I will support people who wish to make the same choice for themselves. I will share that while the early loss was fast, those last few kilos I worked my arse off to shift. I will not perpetuate the lie that diet and exercise is enough for everyone. 

I will take the judgement from those in society who think I'm 'cheating' (while silently judging them for 'cheating' with their use of a car, or oven or email) if it means that I'm helping to give other obese people knowledge and choice. 

Almost ready.

Today I went and bought all the optislim shakes I will be needing for the coming 4 weeks. 

I sat in the car beforehand eating KFC. Ironic? Perhaps. 

I've spent the last few days eating whatever I want to. Bit like several last suppers. I know I'm going to be able to eat real food again, eventually, in much smaller amounts, but it's not going to be for a good 2-3 months at the very least. Some of it, I've really enjoyed, like the spring rolls and chicken satay from the local Thai takeaway. Other things not so much, like the KFC today. 

Tomorrow is Christmas Day. I'm going to eat coco pops for breakfast and graze on all kinds of goodies all day. I'm going to drink wine and soft drink and maybe even a few cocktails. Then come Boxing Day, it all begins. 

Nervous. Excited. Ready.