It Starts Now! Except it doesn't.

I am Super Obese.

There's Obese, and Morbidly Obese then Super Obese. I suspect the next step up from that is dead.

I have battled weight related issues for as long as I can remember. As a child, I was the fat kid. I never learned to swim because at the tender age of 5 or 6, I knew I was fat and was embarrassed to be seen in bathers. By Grade 6, I was wearing a ladies size 16 in clothing and while a bright and outgoing child, I was always self conscious about how I looked.

As a teenager, I've was incredibly thin and now I'm obese and have been everything in between. I'm not sure the reasons are as important to me right now as the 'what next' is. The answer to that is simple and complex...surgery.

For many years I have considered the surgery option but there was always a little voice in my head screaming 'how very dare you! You don't deserve to spend money like that on yourself. Just eat less and move more, dammit.' And I have listened to that voice, believing that I really don't deserve more. I would try eating less and moving more, and it would work, a little, but then it would all just creep back on plus a bit more as a buffer. I thought getting married would be motivation enough. It wasn't. I thought the struggle to fall pregnant would be enough. It wasn't. I thought finally being a mother and wanting to be and do more for my children would be enough. It wasn't.

For many people who chose to go down the surgery path, the catalyst for change is some kind of traumatic event. A health scare, or public humiliation. For me the catalyst for this huge change is filled with nothing but positivity.

Since becoming a mother I have been forced to reconsider who I am and what I want from life. This is not the life I imagined, but I know its the life I was always meant to lead. My life is nothing short of wonderful. I am married to an incredible man who loves me with all my flaws and I can assure you, my weight is the least of them. My children are happy and healthy. They are bright and empathetic. Challenging and hilarious. On the whole they are a joy. After a period in my late 20's of feeling like I didn't really fit anywhere, in my 30's I have found some of the most amazing women to share my time with. I have come to understand that I don't need one best friend, its unfair and unrealistic to expect that one single person is going to meet all of my social, emotional and creative needs. But the small villages of women I have in my world, nurture me in ways I never knew I needed. I have returned to a job I love and have the good fortune of being able to work part time, meaning I have time to do what I love as well as the opportunity to still be present in my children's schooling. I find time to volunteer for an association I believe in and will be forever grateful to for guiding my parenting path. My life is almost perfect.

What's not perfect is knowing that my weight holds me back from really living this amazing life to the maximum. But in realising the gifts I have in my life, I have been able to silence the voice who tells me I'm not worthy. I am worthy of time. I am worthy of making a financial investment in my health and future. I am worthy of being the best woman I can.

I am ready to really live!