Pre Op vs Post Op Dancing

Yesterday I completed my silver street Latin meringue routine. Rocked it. Had a fab time and got honours for it too. Only my second honours ever in 18 routines. So I'm pretty happy with that. 

But I'm even happier about some of the differences I've noticed in my dancing. 

Before surgery I was able to dance one 2-3minute song of a progressive routine before needing to sit down to catch my breath. Also on achievement day, knowing I would be dancing in heels, I would need to load up on Gatorade and neurofen 2 hours before and after dancing (achievement routine is lucky to be 60 seconds) to manage the cramping that would happen in my feet and calves. If I forgot to do this, my legs would be so painfully cramped that I couldn't drive home without crying. Even with this Gatorade/neurofen routine, I would limp and be uncomfortable for at least 2-3 days afterwards. 

During my private lessons, my teacher had pointed out that I wasn't as puffed out and that I didn't seem to be experiencing foot pain like before. 

I was unsure if I was able to take neurofen post surgery (must find out just in case) so figured I would just have to suck it up and see what happened. 

I danced in heels, drug free. I wasn't sweating and short of breath after my routine. Later that night at the presentation, I danced 2 songs of my favourite progressive routine (Mayfair for anyone who is interested) and *shock* wasn't even puffed! There was no cramping at all. Yesterday, last night or today. 

Cannot believe the difference already. 

Achievement Day

For those not in my dance world, this won't mean much. But achievement day is essentially the one day each term that we perform the routine we've been learning in front of adjudicators and are marked. They are usually very kind in their feedback making note of things you did well and suggesting a focus for next time. They use a grading system a bit like Uni, commended pass, highly commended pass, high distinction an honours. (So far I've always got high distinctions with one honours on a silver rumba). 

It's kind of nerve racking, some people get insanely stressed about it, some have a quick drink before hitting the floor, but as long as I manage to stay on my feet I know I've passed and I'm happy. Rumour has it that even if you do fall and get back up to try again, you'll still pass...I'm not willing to test that out though. 

There are different levels of each dance style. So you start at bronze, bronze bar, silver, silver bar then gold. (There is more above gold but I'm so far from that I haven't really paid much attention). Generally you can complete 2 bronze/bar routines a term, but silver/bar is usually one a term and most people spend 2 terms working in one gold routine. 

Today I'm completing a silver street Latin meringue routine, that I've only spent 4x 30min private lessons learning. It's evidence you really do 'get' stuff faster one on one. 

I was planning on taking this entire term off to recover, but was feeling so good and missing dancing that I've eased back in with private lessons instead. 

The weight loss is so noticeable on the dance floor. My teacher is so complimentary about how good I'm looking and dance friends haven't recognized me. But the really big stuff, my feet no longer ache (in dance runners, will see how they hold up in heels today), I'm not out of breath after a single rotation of the routine, spins are easier, my teachers arms fit around me (with a gap). Just last week my teacher yelled at me (we yell and swear at each other a lot, it's how I roll) 'STOP DANCING LIKE A FAT GIRL. YOU'RE NOT THAT FAT GIRL ANYMORE SO JUST STOP IT!'  

I'm not nervous about today, yet, but I am struggling with deciding what to wear. In the past I've only had one dress that fits, in a size 22. Funnily that dress still fits and sits much nicer, but is a bit of a knicker flasher during spins (which this routine has a heap of). I have discovered I have a size 18 dress that fits and looks good, or several size 20 skirts that work and even a size 16 skirt. (Women's clothing sizes are fucked for the record). Nice to have options, but was certainly easier when there was no choice ;-) 

Q & A

Barb asked:
Are you finding any foods easier or harder to eat?
Now that I'm 8 weeks post op I am technically able to eat anything. Which is pretty much how it is going. I was always a little bit dairy intolerant before surgery, which seems to have increased post surgery. It kind of sucks as I do love flavoured milk, but its good because its something I really shouldn't be having anyway.

I've eaten chicken, steak, lamb, wraps, salad, bread, and its all been fine. I know others have issues with certain foods, but I seem to have been really lucky where this is concerned. Despite hating the liquid and puree stages, I have heard that sticking to those strictly can make a big difference to how you go afterwards. Who knows how true this is though.

Jo asked:
How have the kids reacted/found the process?
The kids have been fantastic. It helps that despite being little, one is a nerd and the other is a born nurse. I explained it to them like this;
'You can see that mummy has a big tummy, which is on the outside. Our stomach is on the inside and that holds our food. The Dr is going to do an operation on mummy to make her stomach smaller and over time that will help make my tummy smaller too. When I have a smaller tummy, I will be able to do more things with you like run around, go swimming, on swings and slides, etc. I will have a sore tummy for a little while so you will have to be gentle and I will have to eat special food so my stomach can get better.'

X loved the science behind it all and had lots of questions about the actual surgery and how that would happen. S was more concerned about checking my wounds each day and making sure my pain was under control.

They both often tell me that my tummy is smaller and that I am beautiful.

Kershel asked:
What are your energy levels like do you feel better energy/health wise?
My energy levels are still kind of low. Its hard to continue with real life on such limited calorie intake. It is getting better each day though as I can eat more and more. I also find that I feel much worse if I forget to take my multi vitamins. I don't think I would say that I feel 'better' just yet.

Liz asked:
Do you have to keep seeing dietitian and psych for x amount of time?I had an appointment with the dietitian 2 weeks post surgery and 6 weeks post surgery. I have one more appointment around 3 months out. I can go back and see her if I feel that I need to, but I have enough other people in my life who know about that kind of thing that I don't think I will need to see her more.

The psychologist is a one off optional visit. Many people find they have real trouble dealing with the 'head hunger' but there is no suggestion that I need to see her again unless I feel the need to. At this point, I don't feel like I need to see her again.

What will your eating plan be like once you can eat "normal" food again? Can you eat whatever you like and not put on weight?
I'm not sure its quite that simple. Because of the smaller portion sizes I need to make sure that what I am eating is the best options. So the main priority will be eating protein, then other stuff. It doesn't mean that treats are out, but because of the size, they wont be big. I have found I don't want sweet stuff like I used to, and if I do, a bite is enough.

Sharon asked:
Have you had moments of regret?Not one. Yes I have hated certain stages, but never a moment of regret.

Would you recommend it to others struggling with their weight?
If someone felt that they had tried all other avenues, then yes. This isn't cheating, it isn't the easy way out, it is serious surgery, but it is life changing. In only a few short weeks, I am learning just how life changing it is.

Liz asked: (another Liz)
Have you noticed any changes in ease of movement so far? Eg. Dressing, showering etc.
Not a heap. Oh shaving legs is easier. And I did catch myself skip up the first bit of the stairs at school the other day. Oh and dancing is so different already. My teacher keeps telling me to stop dancing like a fat girl.

Jen asked:
With such rapid weight loss, do you know the effects it will have on your skin? Do you need to have a tummy tuck surgery? Will that be just as expensive to you as the initial surgery?
Oh the skin situation is not going to be pretty. I will have masses of lose skin after this, and the only thing for it will be more surgery. I am hoping that I can get away with just a tummy tuck, but need to be prepared for a possible full body lift, arms done and thighs done. It's going to be more expensive than the initial surgery.

Michelle asked:
What about exercise? Eg: if you walk how do you replace the fuel in your body?
I haven't done anything more than dancing as yet. I'm not sure about replacing the fuel. Considering my calorie intake is lucky to hit 600 calories a day, that's probably something I need to consider.

Liz asked: (the first Liz again)
Have people begun to notice changes in you?
Yes. Long before I started to notice. A few friends have said they are freaked out by my skinny face, work colleagues have asked if I have lost weigh, even a few students have said something. My dance teacher has noticed in both how I look and move.

India asked:
How are you *feeling* this many weeks in? Have you noticed any changes in your clarity of mind? Your moods? Aches and pains? You're eating differently now - have you noticed the impact different foods are having on your physical, mental and emotional bodies?
Not feeling clearer, still battling tired a bit too much to feel really clear. Moods are possibly slightly more stable. Feeling less homicidal around period time. Only thing I have really noticed is my skin is a lot clearer. Possibly feeling more positive about what is coming in my future.

5 weeks post op

Scales have slowed down this week. Which while somewhat disappointing, not at all surprising. Continuing at the rate I was just wasn't sustainable. Plus, the benefit of being in an online world with hundreds of others who have gone before me, I know that stalls are normal. It may even last a few weeks (let's hope not) but it will pass. 

Despite a slow on the scales lots of things have happened this week. 

I've had to admit, for real, the boobage loss. I needed a new nanna beige bra (come on, everyone needs a beige tee shirt bra). I was wearing an 18E. Not anymore! Nope, nope, nope. New bra 18D. Yeah, yeah, a D isn't anything to scoff at, but I'm a big fan of big boobs. So allow me to be a bit sad. 

I've also had to retire a pair of shorts. Because they are too big. Plus I've managed to get into jeans a whole size smaller. Except they are way too long, so probably won't get a run. It's ok, the next size down (that are the right length) are pretty close to fitting too. Oh and a top my mum gave me, that was too tight to be worn in public, now looks ok to wear out. 

I have 4 amazingly beautiful skirts in my wardrobe that I used to wear pre kids. I'm so close to fitting into those again too, which is so exciting. Until of course they get too big and I have to chuck them out. 

Oh and best news, the wound that was looking dodgy is on the mend. When the surgeon saw it he said he thought it was a stitch trying to push its way out. The other night, the stitch came out! Oh yeah! So now, fingers crossed, that wound will finally heal up. 

I think one of my jobs this week will be to find some of those things you can add to your rings when they are too lose. My wedding rings are getting close to that point. Moving around all the time and moving up when I shake my hands. Would hate to lose them. 

This week I'm also sneaking back to the dance floor. Really missing dancing and figure if I can tear around work, I can tear around the dance floor. My dance teacher seems to notice when I've lost as little as a kilo or two, can wait to see him notice how much I've lost now. I'm just doing private lessons (no late nights at social and the pub afterwards for now) and hoping to be able to get a routine ready for achievement day at the end of next month. Wish me luck. 

This week has brought lots of highs and the joy of some new foods but it hasn't been all roses. This week I've been soooooo tired. Foggy brain, short temper, early nights. I'm hoping now that my eating is getting better and I'm hopefully getting more calories in, I will start to feel less tired. 

I'm managing to get more fluids in, including a powerade, which I feel is helping. Plus double dose of my multi vitamin. 

Also had my first real craving this week. I'd kill to be able to smash down a cold soft drink. But alas, no bubbles for now, if ever. 

A friend told me off on the weekend for not blogging enough. But honestly, nothing super interesting is happening at this point. Was way more interesting pre op. But I shall try to blog more often and come up with stuff. If anyone wants to know stuff? Or had stuff they would like me to blog about, please let me know here or on the fb page. 

So anywho,

Total weight loss = 18.1kg. 

4 weeks post op

A week of new foods and old temptations. 

This week bought the opportunity to introduce more soft foods into my diet. I've had white fish and some ravioli, both awesome. Hubby and I are able to eat variations of the same meals now. 

Eating feels weird. Everything feels normal at the start, then one more bite and bam, full! Then I get this odd kind of feeling in my back, kind of mid section. Not pain, or discomfort, nor pleasant, but just a feeling. It lasts about 10 minutes, so maybe a digestion thing. Curious if its now just a 'thing' that I have or if its just part of the adjustment. Time will tell I suppose. 

Oh and if I have a big drink, I sneeze. At first I thought it was coincidence and I was just sneezing more than usual, but pretty sure it's linked. 

Saturday night had us attend a wedding. Wasn't sure how that was going to go, but was fine. It was a cocktail wedding so tried a biscuit with beetroot and cream cheese dip, some fish, noodles, and arancini. Also had a bite of a chocolate wedding cupcake. 

Sunday was our small girls 5th birthday party. All my favourite things were there, mars bar slice, honey joys and mud cake (that I know is the best recipe ever). I had some tinned fruit, the smallest half bite of slice and a bottle of powerade. And truth be told, I didn't feel ripped off at all. The desire to over indulge on all those things wasn't even there. It's really really odd. 

Random observation of the week 1. I have a steering wheel gap. A big one. 

Random observation of the week 2. When I look down, I only see boobs! No belly poking out past boobs! 

Weight loss at the end of week 4 = 17.5kg. 

Three Weeks Post Op

I just realised that I didn't do a 2 weeks post op blog update...oops...

Well, 3 weeks. It's been fast but slow. If I thought the liquid stage was bad, it had nothing on the puree stage. There is absolutely, completely, nothing even remotely OK about puree meat. EVER!

During the 3rd week I wavered between soups and fruit purees. But in good news, water with lemon again became bearable. I can't get anywhere near enough water in, there just isn't enough time in the day to slowly drink as much as I need to, which means I'm feeling rather dehydrated all the time. But noticing each day I am getting more and more in and able to take bigger and bigger mouthfuls, so there is hope.  I'm finding mixing water with Gatorade or powerade is going some way in making me feel slightly less dehydrated. So going to stick with that for a little bit, despite supposed to be only drinking calorie free fluids now.

Speaking of which, diet anything suck balls. I have now tried 4 different brands of diet cordial and they are all foul. I gave them all to my father in law, who isn't allowed sugar. I also tried the zero sugar Gatorade.... spew... worst crap ever.

Last week saw me visit with the surgeon and the dietitian, who were both fairly pleased with my progress. I am now on the way to introducing real foods and man its awesome. So far I have tried some tinned spaghetti, dices mango in juice and get this a cruskit with cream cheese. Oh yeah! That right there was a foodgasm.

The surgeon doesn't need to see me for another 3 months now and said I should be down another 10kg by that time. 10kg is 3 months, really is that all? Considering what I have lost already in a little over a month, and I know I cant keep this up, but surely, I can smash more than 10kg in 3 months. Challenge accepted Mr surgeon.

Still feeling really good, if a little dried out, all wounds are healing well, bar one, which is a bit festy and gross. But let's not over share that little gem.

I think I am starting to notice the weight loss in my face now myself, and possibly a bit of boobage loss, which is all rather devastating. I love my boobs. But so far, I'm not noticing it anywhere else, yet. Oh but I can feel my collar bones. Can't see them yet, but I can feel them. Hanging out for the day when I can see them, heads up, once collar bones are visible, all friends are required to comment on my sexy collar bones at least twice...OK.

So,

At the end of week 2 I had lost 14.6kg.

At the end of week 3 I have lost 16.1kg.

Noticing changes

As well as the scales moving steadily (13.3kg lost) I'm noticing other more subtle changes. 

My watch is loose and my wedding rings are looser too, imagining at some point I may have to stop wearing them until my weight settles and I can have them resized. Also my bracelet can be removed without undoing the clasp and the bangle I wear, that set off every single airport security device because I can't get it off now goes on and off with ease. 

Today is the last day of liquids yah! Onto purées, although in the last few days I have tried a few purée things which have been fine. Can't wait to eat normal food again. I actually feel like the weight loss will speed up once I can eat real food as I feel like I'm so over liquid I'm probably not even consuming enough and body isn't doing its thing well. Who know. 

In one sense these 2 weeks since the op have felt like forever. Several soup tantrums were had. But in another sense, it seems like no time at all. 

Still mind blown about how quick and easy recovery has been. 

Return to work

Today I went back to work. 

Day 9, feeling fine. 

It was just meetings, no teaching yet, I'm not allowed to do that until next Monday. But was nice to be surrounded by other grown ups to talk to. Quite a few people said they can notice a change in my face already. I'm not quite convinced just yet, but it was nice of them to say anyway. 

I was completely ready too. Set my alarm for 6:45am. On Monday. Yep, just let that sink in.....today is ummmm Tuesday. So my alarm didn't go off, oh no. I was rudely awoken by hubby shaking me at 7:55am. 

FARK! 

Asked hubby to throw food (pfft drinks) in my handbag for the day while I threw clothes on and brushed my teeth and flew out the door. 

It's a 40-45min drive to work. We are supposed to be there by 8:30am. Do the math there... Late! Turns out we didn't need to be there until 9am today, phew, so I was safe. 

Some interesting observations however. I've stopped snoring...already! I knew my weight impacted on my snoring but I'm surprised losing so little (in the big scheme of things for me, I know almost 12kg would be huge for others) has made such a big change. 

My body is beginning to distinguish different types of foods. Which sounds odd, but stay with me. Obviously I still taste stuff, (although I'm finding things super sweet which is interesting for a massive sweet tooth) but previously my tummy felt no different having something like an up & go or apple juice. Both very different consistencies. 

But today, I had a sustagen prima, which felt heavy in my belly. I felt thirsty and wanted something wet. Dairy based stuff doesn't feel wet. (I'm sure I'm not making sense) but I didn't want another dairy drink, I wanted juice or something. (Water still hurts). Didn't have juice, a colleague kindly offered some of her iced tea (right kind of wet). Then later the school nurse offered me an icypole. Yah! 

Been a good day. Need to get my head back in the game in terms of work. But finding this new tummy of mine and the changes interesting. 

One week post op

So here I am a week post op. Feeling pretty good. I cannot believe how quickly I'm feeling better. 

Dr said I can drive from now if I feel up to it. So going for a spin later, with hubby in the car just in case. 

Yesterday I had to pop back to hospital to have one of my 'stabs' checked out. (I love that the technical nurse term is stab, not incision, or wound, nope stab). One had lost its waterproof dressing and was looking a bit suss. Sent a pic to a nurse friend who said it was better to be safe really, so I headed in for a check. 

Got seen by a wound specialist (fancy) who said it was normal healing but she would redress anyway. She also removed all dressings with the hope they could stay off, but decided to redress those too. She said they were probably ok, but she felt better about giving them a few more days. The original sites were pretty bloody and yuk so at least the new dressings look nicer. 

Planning to head to work tomorrow. Dr has said no teaching until next week, but tomorrow is just meetings which he said I will be fine to attend. Wish me luck. 

Weight loss since surgery day = 4.7kg

Total loss = 12.4kg. 

Early days at home

Time at home involved lots of laying around. In bed. On the couch. Add to that my hourly waddle around the house to try and help shift the gas. Naturally gas shifting includes a heap of burping and farting. 

Sleeping was hard. I hoped being back in my own bed would help, but it didn't really. As a tummy sleeper, it was obvious that wasn't going to happen. So I thought back to the last time I couldn't sleep on my stomach....pregnancy. During pregnancy I would use pillows to build a nest around me that kind of worked, so I tried this again and got a solid 6 hours sleep. Bliss. 

Hubby slept with me the first night. Clinging to the edge of the bed as I tossed and turned and crept across the bed with my nest of pillows. Thursday night rolled around and he asked 'would you be very offended if I slept on the couch tonight?' Poor man. But he has slept on the couch for a few nights to give me the space to get comfortable. Which is kind and generous and appreciated. 

The first 2 weeks post surgery is liquids only. So my days are filled with juice, protein shakes, yoghurt, custard and soup. I'm getting really really bored with this and hanging out to actually chew something. But these days aren't forever, and the end is worth the short term boredom. 

Each day I'm feeling better and better. Walking easier and less hunched and shuffled. 

To anyone thinking about doing this and worrying about the pain. Honestly, there has been minimal pain. Discomfort, sure. But no unbearable pain that hasn't been quickly relieved. 

Hospital days following surgery and the barium swallow

Apparently my bloods came back a bit off so while I had the drip in anyway they took the opportunity to pump me full of all kinds of other stuff. I have blurred memories of magnesium, phos-something and Panadol. Seriously, I really have to laugh that after major surgery they somehow think Panadol is going to cut it. Oddly the only morphine I had was in recovery, with some OxyContin on Tuesday the rest was Panadol. 

I do remember very very clearly how much all that stuff pumping into my veins hurt. I have small veins as it is and every time they switched something or turned up the drip my entire arm stung and burned. I wanted to scratch my veins out of my arm. Well, not all of them, just the one with the dirty pain in it. I cried. Now I'm not much of a crier as it is, and I like to think I've got a pretty high pain tolerance, but that vein made me cry. There wasn't much the poor nurse could do but add more Panadol (pfft) and slow the drip yet again. 

At some point I asked to get up to wee. I love how excited nurses get about stuff like wee. 

Anyone who thinks hospitals stays are a chance for rest are just so wrong. Observations need to be done very 2 hours, and there's just no way to check temp, wounds and blood pressure without waking you up. Add to that there were 3 of us in the HDU so by the time we had all been checked it was at least half an hour of noise. Then it felt like just as you resettled it was check time again. 

By the time it was really morning I was knackered and pretty uncomfortable. Honestly beyond the genuine pain in recovery and the freaking vein, there hasn't really been pain as such. Just discomfort. Whole tum feels a bit tight and like I've just done too many sit ups (which clearly I haven't). But Tuesday morning, I really couldn't imagine feeling ready to go home 24 hours later. 

I was nil by mouth (besides ice chips) until I had passed the nasty barium swallow, which happened Tuesday morning. OMG! Horrid. I was wheeled down to x-ray where I had to stand on the platform and drink this horrid wee yellow, aniseed flavored syrup, while x-rays were taken to ensure there were no leaks in my new stomach. Once I had passed that I was allowed back in my wheelchair where I promptly vomited. It's worth knowing I loathe vomiting anyway, it's just not something I do, but vomiting after stomach surgery is absolutely terrifying. 

Passing the test did mean that I was allowed a real drink though. The nurse arranged for me water (oh the pain of trying to swallow water), apple juice (ahhh soothing relief) and broth (meh). Later that day I was allowed a lemonade icypole. Awesome. 

It all sounds rather unhealthy, but the focus in the coming weeks is to stay hydrated however I can. Once real food is introduced after 6 weeks, the focus starts to switch to nutritional content as well as hydration. 

The other little gem about barium is that what doesn't get vomited up, comes out the other end. At quite a rate I might add. I'm certain the saying 'never trust a fart' was coined after a barium swallow test. And if I though the nurse got excited about a wee, she almost lost her mind over me taking a dump. 

Tuesday's evening nurse was the best, deciding to leave my drip in overnight as I wouldn't be able to drink much, (and she put a bandage over my cannula as I was worried i would knock it) but the overnight nurse was a shocker. Every time she woke me up, she told me off for not drinking enough. Umm, I was kinda sleeping. 

Wednesday morning came and I was feeling better. I even went for a wander to visit another sleever I'd met on our Facebook group. (There were at least 4 of us from the group done the same day by same dr). 

I tried a sustagen for breakfast, not a happy tummy with dairy. But headed home, ready to rest and recover. 

Operation Day

I woke up fairly early, small people in the house do that and I appreciated that hubby dealt with the kids and kind of left me to my own devices. To pack, shower, zone out on Facebook. 

We dropped the kids off and headed to the hospital. Had to be there for a 10am admission, so no rushing. Was good and bad. I hate waiting, for anything, but it was nice to not feel rushed. 

Once I was there they did all the usual stuff, blood pressure (slightly high), weight (hospital scales waaaay kinder than mine), wrist bands, blah blah blah take a seat and wait. 

I kid you not, almost 2 hours sitting there waiting. Magazines were from the 90's (side note: for what I'm paying at a private hospital...update your bloody magazines) but finally I was called to undress and robe up. They even had 'larger sized' robes. Makes sense seeing as they do weight loss surgery, but was nice to know my arse wasn't going to be on total show for the world. 

I don't recall a moment of hesitation or nerves, but then I suspect hubby was nervous enough for us both. Maybe I felt like I couldn't show nerves or he might really freak out, but honestly, I just don't think I was nervous at all. 

I was taken through to pre op where my super sexy compression socks were fitted and these snappy little leg massager things. (Until the nurse decided the leg massagers were for the guy next to me instead. Bugger.) Oh but they did give me warm blankets. Amazing. I want a blanket warmer. The nurse also applied some numbing cream to both hands to help with the canula (my second worst hospital fear behind clexane injections) Hubby was allowed to stay with me there and then the nurses came for me, I could feel his nerves (fear perhaps) as he kissed me goodbye. 

Just quietly after a late night, early morning and those warm blankets I was seriously struggling to stay awake. 

The pre theatre room was freezing. No seriously bloody cold. Even my warm blankets weren't cutting it. I had my cannula put in (cream didn't help, stupid small veins) and my surgeon popped in to say hi. I asked him where he had been, he replied 'ummm in theatre' (I'm sure convinced I was mental) until I expanded with 'no you look really tanned, where did you go for holidays?' (Noosa if anyone cares). I asked what he would do with my stomach that he was taking out and if I could see it (cemented myself as insane) but sadly he said the hungry dogs he keeps out back would not be ok with that. 

Slightly off topic, but nurses! Seriously, the nurses who prepped me for theatre were amazing. Chatty, kind, warm. It's a gift to know the right thing to say at a time like that. Plus the new one who came back from lunch, gave me the most amazing warm blanket thing. It looked like paper (at this point I suspected I wasn't the only crazy in the room) until she plugged in a warm air blower something to the end. OMG best thing EVER!!!!

Not long after (it was about 2:30pm by this time) the anesthetist came in to do my artery cannula, but injected some 'jungle juice' (his words) into my other one. And that is the last thing I remember. Seriously, I don't even think it was the knock out stuff, (if you're in the know, please enlighten me) but I was out. Don't remember the art line going in, don't remember being wheeled into theatre. Nothing. 

The next thing I remember was the recovery nurse calling 'Mrs Phillips' apparently at one point I said to her 'No, I can't be at work today' (school teacher for those who don't know). I also remember desperately wanting to open my eyes but just couldn't. She asked about my pain, I suggested and 8/10 should cover it and she suggested some morphine. I happily obliged. I vaguely recall something about 'all the drugs. Just give me all the drugs'. 

After who knows how long, she informed me that the ward was quite busy and my blood pressure wasn't behaving, so I was going to be moved to ICU. Again, not a whiff of concern from me, but then I was high on morphine. She could have said she was going to just leave me out the front and I reckon I would have been ok with it. 

ICU was big and white. At the end of my bed was a desk with a computer and phone. And people just wouldn't shut up talking about me. I did ask for hubby and she said she wasn't sure he had been called (later reports from him are that he called hospital at 5, after fare welling me at 1pm, to be transferred to the main wing who told him I wasn't back from recovery yet). She asked if he would freak out that I was in ICU and I said, probably. Because of the phone at the end of my bed I heard her call and from her end alone, I knew he had panicked, just a bit. 

He had just got to his parents with the kids for dinner (was 6pm by this time) so he scoffed food and came in, with my pillow from home I'd forgotten that morning. I'm not sure how long after my mum and step dad came in too. God only knows what kind of drivel I was saying by that point. But I know I kept dozing off mid sentence. 

After visitors left, I dozed on and off, finally convincing the nurse to let me suck some ice. Ahhh never knew ice could be so good. Around midnight they decided to move me from ICU to the ward, (hooray, ICU was really noisy and according to hubby I was the only person in there) but instead of private room I was moved to a shared room in the high dependancy unit. The lovely older man who smiled at me in the waiting room and was next to me waiting in pre op was one of my new roomies and gave me a wave and smile as I was wheeled in. 

Sadly, the HDU was possibly louder than the ICU. 

On the plus side, I woke up with the cool leg massager things on again. 

Operation eve

Seriously when I made this decision and upgraded my private health insurance knowing I'd have to wait 12 months, I never thought right now would come. 

But cliche as it is, the year has flown. 

I think having the Christmas and New Year period helped. I've been kept busy and preoccupied. So much so, it's 11:30pm the night before and I haven't even packed yet. Ok, so I haven't unpacked from my girls weekend yet either, but sadly clothing for a girls weekend in Brisbane is probably very different to clothing for a hospital stay. Bugger. 

Today was fluids only and in 30 minutes is fasting time. Can have water at 6am (yeah right as if I'm getting up at that stupid hour), so midnight it is. It was tricky being at a party, that had a BBQ that smelt sooooo good. But not as bad as I thought. 

I had to drop in at hospital tonight for the dreaded clexane injection. Yep, just as painful as I remembered. But it didn't last too long. Then a grocery shop to get suitable bits and bobs for the coming home, plus some basics to feed the rest of the family. Stocked up on pre made protein shakes, drinking yoghurt, custard and canned soup. A cook I am not. So if people want to visit, don't bring chocolate, bring soup. Lol. 

My final to do for today was to drop into the studio I dance at and organise a hold on my membership. I'm going to take term 1 off as I wont be able to dance for a few weeks and its too hard to catch up learn a routine ready for achievement day in half a term. So I will start fresh term 2. 

I decided to shake it one last time before I take a break. Funny how many people noticed I had lost weight already. Lots of hugs and kind wishes from my dance crew. Also caught up with a friend who is 6 months ahead of me, who has lost 40kg and is looking great. 

So it's almost really truly here. I should go to bed and sleep, but I'm like a kid at Christmas....not tired. 

Not sure when I'll be in the head space to blog update, perhaps I should attempt one whilst high on pain killers ;-) could be amusing. 

But for now, thanks to everyone for the love and support. See you on the sleeved side. 

Nothing left to do but wait.

All my appointments are done, all the invoices are paid and there is nothing to do but wait. 

Met with the pre admissions nurse on Monday. Had the small people with me and had to laugh when she asked as gently as she could; 'so, umm, you've got help at home afterwards. Don't you?'  I assured her that hubby has a week and a half off to deal with the kidlets. Seems 2 kids who haven't seen their mum for 5 days in a small drs room isn't a great idea. 

She chatted about what will happen on the day and the few days after. I asked about a certificate for work that would allow me to attend meetings but not teach. She suggested I should type and print myself and he will just sign them. 

I was informed that 24 hours prior to surgery I will be on liquids only. So Sunday breakfast will be my last solids for a few weeks. That will be fun for the birthday lunch we have to attend Sunday. 

Then she dropped the bombshell. I have to go in Sunday night for a clexane injection. Gah! They are the worst ever. They sting like a bitch. I very much remember them from time in hospital having the kids. Hated them then, gonna hate them again. 

Tuesday I was back to see the dietitian to talk about fluid only diet for 2 weeks post op. Fruit & veg juice, soups, up & go type stuff. As long as it fits up a straw. Hoping the weather is a bit kinder during this time, as I don't mind soup. Apparently the focus during this time is about staying hydrated, and not so much worry about calories. Oh and of course giving my new stomach time to heal and for the swelling to go down. 

After the first few days I should be aiming for 1lt of 'nutritional' liquids a day and 1lt of water. 

See the surgeon and dietitian again 2 weeks after the op. At that time, we will talk about the introductions of more solid type food. I believe it's a bit like a baby, purées, lumps, go. 

Also had to have a fasting blood test Tuesday. (Could have done it Monday, but ya know, kids). They took 7, yes 7, vials of blood and did an ECG. If I require a blood transfusion or discover I'm pregnant before Monday I MUST let them know. I figure if I'm requiring a blood transfusion before Monday, I'll probably be in no shape for this surgery anyway. And after a tubal ligation when my daughter was born, (and currently having period) if I discover I'm pregnant there's going to be heads rolling. 

Post holiday weight loss 1.5kg. 

Making total loss 6.5kg. 

Post holiday Update

So after 5 days away from home and being sensible but far from perfect this mornings scale reading wasn't great. 

Managed to gain 2kg while away :-0 

I'm going to blame a little Mexican, a few cocktails, that time of the month and yesterday spent in water instead of drinking water. 

But speaking of water, I'm rocking the water gig now. Going to hit FIVE 750ml bottles today. Worked out I need my water cold cold cold, lots of ice and a slice of lemon or lime. 

My weekend away was amazing. I was so relaxed and blissed out. Was such a forgotten feeling not being rushed, or having people demanding stuff, just going with the flow. 

Got to hang with some beautiful women. My cousin, a gorgeous friend, other mummas. We ate, drank, did an exit clean, swam, got burnt (oops), painted nails, caught ferries, got lost, swore at Siri, and most importantly planned next years meet up! 

Now I'm back home it's the final stretch. This time next week, I'll be on the sleeved side! 

Quickie update

The diet changes are going awesome. I spoke to the dietitian who said it sounds like I've got a dairy sensitivity and the new plan is the way to go. So sticking with that. Plus it's dropped more weight, so it's all good. 

I'm currently on a girls weekend in brisbane and eating out pretty much every meal. So trying my best to stick to protein and salads, but also recognising that I'm with a group and I need to fit in with others too. 

Last night I was a bit off the plan, I had a small cup of ice cream and enjoyed every bit. BUT in the past I would have had the biggest one I could and finished it, even if I was full. 

I don't have scales with me on holiday so I don't know if I'm losing or gaining. But I'm going to remain sensible and enjoy myself then smash it in next week at home. 

Change made and cranky no more.

Ive been lamenting the last few days about how hideous the shakes are getting. Yes I know initially I said they were ok, because they were, but seriously, every day they taste worse and worse. 

For the last 2 days I haven't been able to even stomach them. I've been getting by on water, salad and an opti bar (which isn't much better). 

I have done shakes before and it's been ok. But I've done low calorie shakes before, where you have 2 shakes and 1 meal. These are VERY low calorie shakes with no meals. I don't know why they taste sooooo much worse, but they do. So there. 

I digress. 

Complaining on my secret forum about how awful the shakes are and that I can't even drink them, I was pointed in the direction of the 'alternative' to the shakes. 

*why was I not told this before?*

That's right, because I've done shakes before and it was easy. *sigh* so I guess she didn't bother to tell me. 

Anyway. This alternative is such a better idea. Essentially each meal is a serve of protein and veg with bare minimum carbs.

The basic plan is breakfast; omelet with veg (I plan mushroom or spinach or zucchini or carrot, some or all), lunch & dinner; 100g of lean chicken, beef, lamb or fish and 2 cups of salad/veg. There is some allowance for specified cereal and crackers/bread with a list of protein/carb numbers blah blah which the maths nerd in me is excited about. THIS I can do. This is real food. This is much better than those shakes. 

Plus in the recipes with the plan there is a dressing for chicken salad that is low fat Greek yoghurt and curry powder. Why have I never thought of this? So excited to try this. 

Going to the butcher tomorrow to stock up and then going to weigh and bag 100g portions of stuff. 

*mental note: investigate in prawns or calamari count as fish in this instance*

Tonight I had 100g of grilled chicken and salad and I could have cried it was soooo good. 

Oh and I've added lemon slices to my water. 100% better. Plain water = yuk. Lemon water = win. 

Almost managed my 2lt water yesterday and voila, the scales that haven't moved in a few days had dropped 1.4kg overnight. 

Total weight loss to date = 5.9kg. 

Experimenting with zucchini

I've never denied or even tried to hide my contempt for vegetables. Especially those of the green variety. Peas are the work of the devil I'm sure. 

As a kid I only ate potato and corn on the cob dripping with butter and salt. Plus basic salad, lettuce, tomato & carrot. (No idea how I ended up obese lol). As I got older I expanded to mushrooms and recently sweet potato and pumpkin. You know, those delicious veggies that I can't have on this pre op stage. 

A while back I was at mums for dinner and she had fried up zucchini & bacon and forced me to try it. Assuring me zucchini didn't really have a taste and instead it just tried to disguise itself as what it was cooked with. And to be honest, it wasn't as bad as I expected. I mean really, bacon makes everything good. There may have actually been cabbage involved too. 

Since then I'd experimented with grated zucchini hidden in spaghetti sauce and quiche but never really made an effort with it. Until now. 

Thursday night I attempted to make zucchini & carrot chips. I used my mandolin to evenly slice them and tossed them in a dash of olive oil, garlic and my allowance of parmesan cheese. Placed them out on baking paper and popped in the oven for 20 min. 

The cheese burnt (parmesan is so delicious melted but such a fine line between melt and burn) but the ones that were more central were amazingly delicious. Even had to fight the kids off my plate. 

Will definitely be doing these again. Pre and post surgery. Next time, I'm going to let the zucchini sit for a bit first. I've discovered it has quite a bit of water and I think the chips would crisp up a bit better of they started drier. I will also not add the cheese until almost baked to avoid the burning issue. 

Zucchini and carrot chips = winning this game. 

Once I'm post op, will add sweet potato to the mix as I love sweet potato chips. Also wanting to check with dietitian if I can make beetroot ones too because I suspect they would be amazing and colourful. 

Friday night I had a slightly less successful zucchini experience. 

A friend lent me her machine thingy to make zucchini 'pasta'. The machine was great fun and it really did look like spaghetti. 

I fried some mushroom in a dash of oil and crushed garlic before adding the 'pasta'. 

It looked fantastic. It smelt great. It tasted meh. 

I'm not against trying again though. 

Facebook tells me that a number of my friends are all over this zucchini pasta deal and they had some great tips to try for a better result. 

So at some point, I'm going to try it again but drain the zucchini pasta first to let the moisture out and have it with a tomato based sauce. 

Stay tuned for an update on that one. 

Cantankerous and craving carbs

So it's day 8 and every single shake I drink tastes worse than the last. The bars are just as disgusting. Maybe soups or mousse will help? Maybe not. Lets be honest, probably not. 

End of week 1 and I've lost 4.5kg in total. I should be pleased with that, but cantankerous me just can't be happy with much at all I'm afraid. 

Struggling to get enough water in. Water and I have never been friends. Blah. 

Craving carbs BIG time. Would love to eat hot chips and a pie and mash potato and cheesy corn chips. Oh and bread. How I'm missing bread. Gnocchi, roast pumpkin, risotto. *sigh*

Here I was thinking it would be chocolate and lollies I would crave, but nope. It's carbs. 

And the social element of food. Was going to do something with the kids today, but they would all have to buy lunch and I get water. Boo hiss. Catch up with friends over coffee? Oh nope, can't do that. Delicious smelling food for my family and nothing for me. 

I know it's only 4 weeks. I know I need to think of the end goal. I know I will and can do this. But I know I don't have to pretend its easy or fun or remotely tasty. 

Today this sucks.